Rogue
by whitecoatswontgetme
Summary: Harry endures as a prisoner with a familiar face, even as his memories are constantly under attack.
1. Chapter 1

He stumbled into the small room and fought desperately to adjust to the gloom. He felt lost; he didn't know why he was there, or indeed where there was. He felt rather than saw the figure approach and nudge him to a makeshift bed. Thin rags were soon placed around him and a voice was muttering. He focused."How much do you remember?"

He knew that voice! He threw himself backwards, earning himself a firm knock from the wall before sliding uneasily back to the ground."For god's sake Harry, calm down. You've been obliviated."Harry breathed in harshly. Yes. That did fit, but why was he here? The cell was feeling more familiar now but it was all still so hazy in his mind.

"Potter. Let me restore what I can.""You can do that?" Harry questioned. He half wanted to forget, but how could he not know what had caused this, what had brought him to this."Some. It's not complicated, just limited; I have no wand. I can't do a delicate job but I can bring back most things, enough for context, but not anything specific they mean to keep from you that they have guarded against. Anyone can do this; it's not an art of finesse. So, it won't be a full fix but it's better than nothing."

Harry faulted but since he was already on the ground he was gently dragged closer and cool fingertips rested on his wasn't like the last time. It wasn't a force striking into his hand; the magic was smoother, indistinct and less direct. The fog was clearing and he remembered enough. That hadn't been the last time.

"I'm so sorry. I forgot you again" he fell forwards onto the man's chest and wept awkwardly into his neck.

How many times had he done this; he didn't know. He couldn't know how many times Severus Snape had restored his memories with a faulty job. Better than nothing, and yet knowing he'd been robbed and a little more was lost to him hurt. He knew he must hurt Severus too every time he reverted back to the schoolboy who hated him. He knew it hurt to be forgotten and unwanted. "So sorry. I don't mean to forget".

He was hushed and they lay together, huddling close in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry woke to the door opening and some bottles of murky water being rolled into the room. A plate of crackers was shoved through next before the door sealed itself shut. As Harry looked most had scattered off the plate and onto the floor.

He imagined food. He imagined drink. The pumpkin juice at Hogwarts was just the right sweetness and it would make him feel so refreshed. Maybe the elves improved it. He imagined the house table laden with it's heavy dishes for the feasts and he remembered how he would only eat a small amount because that's what he was used to even as Ron wolfed it down with gusto. Harry remembered…

"I really would appreciate more varied sustenance. I never thought it would be crackers that destroyed my soul but they are definitely well on their way to victory."

Harry was torn from his musings. The memories of before weren't always available to him and when he walked into them it felt like a dream even if waking from them was more painful for it. The crackers were even less appealing after his mind pictured roast beef and potatoes and butter beer.

"Are you hungry?" Harry blinked. He was always hungry. It hurt until it could hurt no more and then his stomach seemed to concede defeat for a short hour before it fought him again, as though Harry denied it on purpose. "Yes." And he reached for the crumbs steadily.

"The water isn't clean but it will have to do. You are weaker right now. You drink; I'll wait." Harry took the water without pause and the large swig he took both relieved him and made him retch.

"I'm glad I cannot see what colour this is". Harry stared at the dark door, always closed to him until they came, and he never remembered what happened when they came. "Do you think they watch us?" He didn't remember but he was sure he asked it often. Severus didn't comment but simply answered yes he thought they did.

"Even when we're together?"  
"I expect they watch us more then".  
"Does it bother you?"  
"I will not allow it to bother me. In this room it is you and I, and we are alone."

Harry tried to think back to the feasts but for the moment the memory seemed barred from him. "Sometimes I forget their faces".  
"I know."  
"I won't forget yours".

"I know".


	3. Chapter 3

Harry breathed in deeply as Severus massaged his temples. The fog was clearing, but he knew he had lost something. He felt it had been important.  
"Do you think they're looking for us?"  
"Who?"  
"I don't know".

"They're not here, Harry. Do you want them to be here?"  
"No". He was confused. He didn't remember answers like this but of course there could have been many. He rested his hands against the wall and tried to concentrate but it hurt to think and the mists were coiling around the truths he sought so tightly that he felt it as a noose around his neck.

"Stop trying to think and come to bed".  
"I'm not in the mood, Severus".  
"It will help".  
"It never helps. Not with this".

Severus rolled away and left him to it.

Harry breathed and he tried very hard to remember their names. He remembered radish earrings but that didn't make sense. He remembered a book about Hogwarts and he remembered chess. He thought he played but not well. It would come clearer; it had to. He felt he had lost something that made him himself. Something pure and good and he felt there was a fight out there that he was a part of, but he wasn't out there. There was someone searching, but what was it for?

Harry remembered… but he could only remember pain.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry wasn't sure how many times he had fallen in love. He thought distantly of something pink and fluffy and indescribably feminine. He didn't think that was correct. He didn't think that was love.

He stared at the sleeping figure beside him, someone who for the most part handled his incarceration with the grace he had held in the classroom. He never seemed to wither or wane. He had his tempers but they were restrained and careful. Harry couldn't remember him snapping or being cruel to Harry at all!

Maybe he pitied him. Maybe that was it. Harry couldn't remember Severus being taken away, not once, but Severus had seen Harry go, and Harry remembered so many returns to that small dark room. Perhaps only Harry was sport to the Death Eaters. Maybe that earned politeness and patience. Maybe that made Severus want to be a better co-inhabitor of their small world.

He knew he loved him. It too was unclear but he felt it strongly. He wondered how many first times he'd said it and been brave only for Severus to take it without surprise or, dare he admit it, appreciation, because for him it was no longer a defining moment; it was just another. Another. Another. But Harry had forgotten.

He was peaceful in sleep, clutching his water bottle close as though Harry would steal it away in the night, although it was disturbingly like how Harry saw young Gryffindors clutching teddy bears from home. A comfort thing. Endearing.

Harry was a prisoner but he felt peace in these times. He snuggled next to the man and wrapped his arms around his thin frame. Since he didn't wake Harry enjoyed the moment with hair tickling his face and soft breathing hard to hear even in the stillness. Harry paused. He didn't know why but he felt sometimes Severus snored, but he couldn't remember it.


	5. Chapter 5

"Do you get extra food when they steal me away?" Harry joked.  
"Don't be ridiculous; it's not a hotel service here, Harry".  
Harry smiled "oh I know, but you always save the most food for me and yet you're always plump!"  
"I am hardly plump Harry".  
"Compared to me you're a whale, and yet you never take much food".  
Severus frowned but turned to face Harry squarely.  
"Maybe you just don't remember". Harry didn't know.

"Do you think they watch us?"  
"Why would they bother?"  
"I don't know but I think maybe they do. Maybe they find us amusing."  
"I don't feel very amusing these days, Harry. I'm getting tired."

"Maybe we'll be rescued soon. How long have we been here?"  
"I think they would have come and I don't know".  
"Do you think they're still out there? The others?"  
"I don't think even the Death Eaters could shut Granger up."


	6. Chapter 6

The light hit his eyes and it was blinding.  
The noise erupted around him and it hurt!  
Hands tugged at him and tore at him and he fought them off.  
Who were these people?  
Where was this place?

He woke.

"Another nightmare?" Severus shuffled closer and massaged Harry's shoulders gently whilst he forced his way out of the blankets.  
"It didn't make much sense, but it scared me"  
"It was just a dream. We're safe."  
Severus caught Harry's lips with his own and Harry felt at peace. Of course he was safe; he had Severus.  
"You can go back to sleep Harry; I'm watching over you. I'll protect you."  
Harry knew he would and his eyes slipped closed once again.

When they woke it was in time for the water and for a moment Harry thought he saw a shadow behind the door but it was no use; the door was shut.  
"I wish I knew who was out there".  
"There's no point worrying about it; there's nothing we can do. We will survive this. Someday we'll get out of here and we'll know everything, and you'll remember everything, but we can't do anything right now."  
"Have we tried to get out?"  
Severus blinked. "Of course." He stared up as he remembered. "You climbed onto the ceiling and tried t break through with the water bottles. You fell off the mattress though and you hit your head. They took you away and when you came back the wound was gone."  
Harry smiled. That was stupid; it sounded just like him.

"What about you; what have you tried?"  
For a moment Severus looked pained but he gestured to the door. I raced the door lock. I nearly lost a leg. They gave me a salve but for the most part it healed on its own."

Harry looked for the scar but there was none. Severus didn't notice. He was staring at the door.


	7. Chapter 7

When the door broke open Harry was startled. Severus leapt to his feet and grabbed for his non-existent wand but the invaders stayed at the entrance just watching them.

He remembered them. How could he have forgotten them? Hermione was in dark blue robes and they reminded him of sunny afternoons but he shook the thought away; this wasn't the time.

"Harry? Are you ok?" It was Ron. He looked old. How long had he been here? Hermione seemed older too. Was he older? Of course he was.

"It seems the rescue has finally arrived". Severus stepped close to Harry and held his shoulder and Harry winced as the grip tightened. Severus was nervous. Did he not trust his friends even now?

The group had moved through the whole cell block to reach him. They thought Harry's was the last but one more door awaited the rescue team. Severus turned to walk back through and Harry made to follow him but Ron stopped him.

"I know you've probably become friends and stuff in there but stay with us right now Harry. We're here to protect you".

Harry backed away but waited.

The door blew open and Harry remembered…


	8. Chapter 8

Chains hung limply from the wall and bloodstains were everywhere, as well as deep impact marks. Harry stopped and stared. He frantically searched his memories; he knew that room. He had seen it; had he been in it? Had he been attacked? Had they hurt him? The figure sprawled on the floor looked like a corpse: thin and frail, and white as a skeleton. He held his breath but he already knew whose face was facing the floor. He already knew because he remembered.

They'd thrown him in the corridor and they were laughing. It was going to be a riot and they promised him he was going to love it. They shoved him into the doorway and he could see them shave the man's head. He faced the indignity of being shorn well and he didn't even move his lips as his hair was stolen from him. They kicked him in the face and he stumbled but he was silent and watchful. Their eyes met and Harry was torn away to the sound of laughter.

"Don't worry Potter; you'll be seeing plenty of him!"

"Harry! Are you ok?" Hermione was kneeling down and facing him. He looked up at her and realised he was on the floor; had he fallen? He could hear them untying Severus and Ron was swearing as the man's injuries became more and more apparent.

"Who was it?" He couldn't say anymore. He understood.

They'd shorn him and used him. They'd dosed someone up on polyjuice and they'd tricked him. He didn't know why. He'd fallen in love with a ghost, even worse a death eater. He saw it all. Severus never looked worse. He looked like he had when they'd shaved him. He looked perfect always. He wasn't a prisoner. He was a jailor.

It was still hazy and he fought so hard to think through the fog but so much of his time in the cell was gone. But he remembered odd occasions of cruelty, intermittent but present in the midst of surprising tenderness.

He stared behind him where the imposter had gone, long gone. Had he regretted it, whoever he was or was he just sad to rid of a plaything, a mere sex toy. Harry stifled the sob. He was looking at man who had suffered more; he would not cry.

Ron was dragging Severus to his feet and with the aid of cushioning charms attempting to get him out of the cell. Harry stood in the doorway, as he had before and Severus's face froze.

"You! Kill him!"


	9. Chapter 9

"What?" They all chorused.  
Harry's mouth had dropped open and he wanted to run to this man, but this man didn't know him, and he didn't know the man either when he thought about it.  
"He betrayed us all! He did this to me!"  
Ron looked at Harry and fought to keep Snape steady; the man was trembling.

"Professor, Harry has been locked up next to you. He didn't do this to you"  
"He did. It was always him. He joined them."  
"Hermione."  
She looked at Harry in question.  
"I really need to get my memories back. I need to know if they managed to make me do that to him"  
Hermione looked appalled. "Of course you didn't; you couldn't Harry."  
"I remember so little. I don't remember any time I was taken out of my cell. Severus, no the man was able to release some of my memories. I need you to try."

Ron was struggling to get Snape down the corridor but Harry didn't need the legilimancy because next to Snape on a desk were small containers and he recognised them at once. He remembered the small sharp pains and the wait as someone took the potion and sidled into the room for his chance to shag the boy who lived.

It wasn't a man; it was many. And his memories were recovered in sections dependent on the whims of the intruder, what they wanted him to know, to feel… some wanted the pain and the punishment and others kept the deception alive … and made him want it.

There, next to a huge stockpile of long black hair was another, much smaller hoard of short black hair that he knew to be his own.  
They had known, he realised. They knew he would escape. They wanted to destroy him, not kill him.

They had created an illusion that he had fallen in love with and the object of that love would never be able to learn to return that feeling after because they used his own image to torture him. They had cursed him with a thoroughly one-sided affection and even if Severus believed him, learnt the truth of those hair samples the images would remain. The memories would remain. Only Harry had been obliviated, only he had forgotten. Snape was cursed to remember. HI own Severus didn't even exist.

Multitudes of Snapes, all with their tiny differences, different manners he was too befuddled to notice. He remembered so much now, and he needed to know more, to remember it all, but the only person he knew and trusted to recover the memories now was tormented by just the idea of him.

"I understand now, Hermione. Let him go".


End file.
